The Season of Discontent

posted on May 11 by Linda Beck in the Guest Authors, Linda Beck, Multiple Sclerosis category

It was the winter of 2008; my season of discontent! The older I get the more I dislike winter! The cold affects my body worse all the time. Even air conditioning bothers me in public places. I carry a jacket and a lap robe everywhere I go. Eighty percent of people with multiple sclerosis are bothered by the heat; the other 20% includes the “rare birds” like me who suffer more from the cold.

One thing I can be thankful for in the winter is that with my heating system and gas logs, warm clothes, and blankets, I stay warm at home. A good friend even bought me an electric heater with remote control for those times when my feet and hands were extremely cold. I could close the door in the TV room, snuggle up in my recliner under a big fluffy blanket that another friend had given me, and recycle cards for our soldiers until late at night. Sometimes I would reach out, turn the light and TV off, and sleep in the comfort of my lift chair.

So one might wonder why I was experiencing a season of such discontent. Sometimes disabled folks have to resign themselves to their circumstances. For several
years after the major multiple sclerosis exacerbation in July of 2002, everything had been similar to a three-ring circus, just not all happening at the same place or the same time. Then as had happened in the past, my health improved, and my desire for independence took root.

New friends came into my life and I heard about their adventures, and the seed of discontent began to sprout. The sin of coveting the freedom of others began to gnaw away at my contentment. Memories of a free lifestyle caused me to become quite melancholy. Then thoughts of all I had given up, or had lost, began to haunt me.

I would remind myself how much worse off some other folks are and then the discontent caused me to become frustrated. I continued to do the best I could, but it was no longer good enough. Discontentment can change your heart, your personality, and even strain your relationships. I know the more discontented I was, the more I adopted a policy of speaking up for those of us with disabilities.

It has been said that I am “the squeaky wheel that gets greased,” or there may be some who think I’m a little “witchy” (rhymes with that ugly word.) In all honesty, even though I don’t like the word, there have been times when the description probably fit. But at that time, I decided, whether or not, it would be the popular thing to do, I would try to be an advocate for the disabled.

There is one thing about seasons of discontent …seasons change, and so can discontentment. Since winter was my season of discontent, spring moved in with “April showers that were followed by May flowers.” Even though I still have multiple sclerosis and can’t walk, I could once again ride my scooter to parks, downtown, and follow my heart’s desire.

For a long time, I had been contented, or as the dictionary reads “resigned to my
circumstances.” But during this season of discontent, I had become restless, sad, and resentful; all those things I thought I had moved beyond.

Summer has always been my most contented time; the season that heals me; but with cooler weather (fall of 2009) just around the corner, I had to take steps to be sure I would not face another season of discontent.

The purchase of my handicapped accessible van has freed me from this “season of discontent.” Regaining more of my independence has loosened the resentment, grievances, and sadness. Being able to go to church again, I can get more involved in serving the Lord. Now that I have wheels, I hope I can reach out to others with the same health problems I have. Once again, I will accept, or resign, myself to the medical limitations in my life but I will be on the road again!